And So She Thinks: Day 2

Entry 2: Ok, that was bullshit. That never happened. People have done it to me but I’ve just said alright and left it at that. I don’t do confrontation. I dream of it, I confront my mirror with problems and arguments from the day before. Come up with a witty comeback and laugh to myself about the cleverness of me. I’ve heard many a person say, “It’s ok to talk to yourself. But if you start answering yourself, then you’ve got a problem!” I answer myself all the time. Now that I’ve realized this, I must be insane. But don’t insane people have more wrong with them than just hosting a conversation with themselves? I mean, they hear voices, they smear shit on the insides of their padded cells, they go crazy and kill the neighbor’s cat for looking at them. Half of the bums in this town are insane. It’s not that they don’t want to work, it’s that they can’t. How sad is that? Not only are you hearing voices in your head, you can’t keep a job, you’re broke on the side of the street, dumpster diving for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I’d hate it. No wonder they always look pissed off. I remember once, I was sitting in the passenger seat of my friends cheap, broken down Cutlass Cierra. He was driving. We got to a stop light and this old homeless woman walks up to the car. The windows are up. We are staring. She taps on the window, we shake our heads. She walks off and my friend turns to me and says, “But I like ’em dirty.” I started laughing beyond control. Drooling, hard to breathe, on the brink of tears. The old lady has seen me and comes back up to the car. Yells, “is she laughing at me??” I try to shake my head, but I keep laughing. My friend screams back, “NO!” and just then the light turned green. I felt awful. She already hates her life and now, she thinks I’m making a fool out of her. I want to apologize. Instead, I always hold my breath and look away every time I see a homeless person.

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