Lies

Walking around,
Looking for a way to make it through
Every map is burned
And every compass off kilter
I shall drift off
And pretend the pain is gone

But the pain is never gone,
The memories of things I have done,
The memories of things they have done,
The knowledge of people
Is never gone
Running in circles
Turning into a labyrinth
Maddeningly honest

Why do you ask so many questions?
Why does it bother you,
The way I am?
Why is it so hard to just let me keep my walls?
I’ve made it so far

These walls took years
Of labor, constant additions
I had thought I had perfected the idea
Of being impenetrable
But with one sentence
You and your smug smile
Came sweeping in to prove me wrong
It’s maddening
And refreshing

You crave to be loved
How right you are
And how difficult it is for me to admit that
To show you that yes,
I seek warmth and affection

I guess that cold exterior isn’t so cold
I guess my lying words
Do nothing to shadow my actions,
To my desires  to remain anonymous
Everyone knows me
But no one knows me
So why do you want to?

It’s maddening
My fingers curl to admit weakness
To admit that yes,
Everything touches me
My heart is so easily bruised
But it’s so easily forgiving

I hold no grudges,
Just memories to guide my so easily swayed heart
I can’t be weak
I have too many people
Who rely on my solidarity
And my support
I am not the one who cries
But the one who holds you when you cry
That is my job
Designated to myself a long time ago

For the first time in a long time
Someone has gotten under my skin
Somehow, you got somewhere
I have let no one
In a long time

Surprisingly though,
I welcome the intrusion
I have no idea why
These walls are my pride and joy
My invisible accomplishment
That I can laugh about at night

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