“Sweetest Downfall”

With every racing heartbeat
I feel my insides aching
To pry into the truth behind the eyes
I feel my fingers itching
To grab the wheel
And never look back
To pass by their faces
And smile with the power
Of my own self-knowledge

“Living in a den of thieves /
And it’s contagious”
In this dirty, twister
Of a concrete cage
Sewer puddles rise
And soak my shoes,
Converse browned
With mud and the muck

It rises up to my knees 
In a haste,
Reach for the escape
That I’ve always turned to
But this time,
This time it’s not as overwhelming
That’s the scary part
This time, I sit and battle
To know what is pulling
Muscle from bone
And disconnecting their oh so efficient
And beautiful machinery

Skin kisses the steering wheel
In a loving caress
But sitting alone,
Trapped in a world to myself
I cannot react
Yelling from a silent face
Listen to me
Bend the fingers,
Turn the key

Instead I sit,
Malfunctioning with unknown reason
And I’m not upset
For the first time in a long time,
I’m not upset.

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