Time slips slowly from your fingertips. Every second of every day, it is the one constant that never fades. Ever. It doesn’t stop. You know it. “Time is starting to slip away, for the last few years I have tried to catch the wind.” You can’t start something that has been in place for centuries. And in your blinded travels, I have tried to tell you, you could never catch the wind.
While sitting behind this straight edge desk, staring at a dusty phone, enclosed by bland walls, I close my eyes and disappear into a swirling universe of colors and pictures. Of memories and dreams. Slip into a world where everything is manipulated and controlled by a simple thought, yet where I am consistently startled by where my subconscious has chosen to lead.
The other night I awoke, having been so pleasantly dreaming of sunshine and swings and things, to a sudden scream caught within my throat. My hands were clammy and the blanket felt suffocating. In a moment of sheer terror, I raced from the bed and out to the balcony. I inhaled the nicotine as if it were the only thing to save my life. Still shots from my nightmares raced within my head and I forced myself to keep my eyes open. The nightmares are back. And they are back with a vengeance.
And so I rely on dreams of a better tomorrow, of day dreaming where all is cast into light and no shadows lurk to destroy my smiles. To be scared to go to sleep seems so silly. But I know I must sleep or exist in a state of delirium, interrupted by minor hallucinations that result in such sleep deprivation. The pill leaves a dry, powder taste across my tongue as it skates to fill my system with an imvincible drowsiness. My mind slows and again, I lay my head to the pillow. But this time I smile as my subconscious tries to come converse, because I know that, if just for this night, I will not dream.
And as the time ticks ever so slowly by, causing each breath to seem extended in itself, I will remind myself, that things will come to pass. With every click of the second hand, I know that I am that much closer to a clean sleep, not drug-induced or as a result of exhaustion. I am that much closer to a happy night and a happier day. It’s just a matter of patience, a virtue that seemed to have skipped right past me as a child.