Little One & Jennyzilla

Is it worth it?
Three years ago, I might’ve said no.
I might’ve  just walked away
Thinking no one would notice

But I didn’t, I maintained connection,
Not well, I’m ashamed to admit
But they stayed in my mind,
And randomly, a memory would cause me to reach out
Just to say hello and I miss you

Months went by, then years

Jojo, Little One, & Jennyzilla 2011

Promises to come visit never fulfilled
And then, after breaking hearts and raising hell,
I finally came home

I was scared of rejection,
And being resented for never coming by
For dropping off the face of the planet
Due to drinking my solitude away and seeking a friend
Thinking that I was finally living my life
But finding myself, curled in a blanket every night
Wanting my companions of old
To sit and talk

So I put on a brave face,
Put aside my false pride
And picked up the phone,
Beginning with an apology
And asking for a friendship back that I had taken for granted

When we were once more all in the same room,
Our three minds fell back into our old patterns
Swept up in the happiness that I hadn’t realized was missing
There weren’t resentments, just some tears at my absence

Slowly, we talked, laughed and reminisced,
Shared our three years of separation
And reveled in how we’ve grown but still stayed the same
Carrying memories of us in the heart

I felt my bones begin slipping back into place,
My muscles began to tingle, eager to stand up
My skin held on carefully, keeping me in check
And I felt the cracks throughout my life
Begin to finally heal

I finally jumped up after months of subtle support
And smiling, turn out my hands
To hold onto my two girls,
Who smile at my drunk moments,
Slap me on the head when I act stupid,
And offer unconditional friendship

I missed you ladies so much while I was gone.
Being back, and having y’all back in my life
Showed me that everything could be ok
And that it’s alright to break down and ask for help
I can’t do it on my own

Little One & Jennyzilla, you helped me
Once more regain my old self
And laugh with everything I have

In August, it will be ten years,
And we will continue counting until we can breathe no more
Together, we will ride to hell
And lord help the devil himself,
When we get down there, it’s going to be crazy

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