Just Beneath the Skin

I know it’s just around the corner
I feel the skin stretching to contain an anger
Derived from frustration, stress, and strained nets

The stupid things that have led me to tears in the past weeks
Looking at a damn page about puppies,
Feeling shitty at certain things,
And feeling like somehow, I’ve disappointed him, even when I’ve done nothing to create that feeling

I ignored the hints, the warnings
And now, I sit, simmering, perched on a crumbling cliff
Having no logical reason to feel so… angry? Maybe just frustrated?

Just Beneath the Skin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here comes the blow up,
Here comes the sudden wash of emotion and pent up frustrations and unspoken words
Why, when my life has gone absolutely perfect for so long now?
Maybe it’s because I hate this city…
The concrete paths, the towers of metal and revealing glass
The dirt and the scum on the bottom of my shoes as I step two feet outside

He suggested Colorado. God, I’ve been dreaming about that place for months now.
It’s not even guaranteed. I’ve never been.
But every night, I dream of a place different, a place where the memories are new
A change in scenery
I don’t care if it’s cold, I don’t care if the tourists are everywhere, bumbling around with fanny packs galore
I just need to get out

It’s the money situation
The inability to go anywhere, even just to the beach for a day
I can’t afford it and when I can,
Something always pops up that I have to pay instead
And I can’t go spending my money on a trip to a beach or a vacation
Especially not when I’ve been relying so heavily on financial backing from others these past few months

I just… I just want to feel something other than a thick, muggy heat
Stare at something other than a traffic light
Breathe in air not composed strictly of exhaust and angry feelings

I have no reason to be feeling this way
But I do
And it sucks
😡

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