Fireflies In Our Solar System

Bare feet traipse across the stars in search of illumination, fireflies to warm the vast infinite
One hand clutches tight a jar to her chest and she leaps with a silent yell of delight
The other hand swings upon the waxing crescent’s slender tail into a weightless free fall

Toes glide upon the surface of a lazy Milky Way, rippling towards a suggested embankment
A universe, immobilized without knowledge of gravity, cannot weigh down the gentle trespasser’s voyage
She is careening with a smile, neither head or heels can find the ground so she sails on

The cold vacuum bites a blush upon her cheeks, vivacious and bright in a muted adventure
High delight radiates, perforating the craters and cracks to warm the asteroid’s belt and she slingshots from its girth
Glittering trails of a comet’s travel shine as a shower of a million lightning bugs

She loosens the jar from her bosom, crashing through the brilliant wake to collect shards of beauty
Super nova’s collide beyond the galaxy, blinding explosions spread across a dark cavern
In the jar she holds comet trails and stars alike, a lantern of supernatural fireflies

Balancing on Saturn’s rings, tiny footsteps lead back to home
Home is heavy, loud and full – even the moon shines less against a neon night’s glare
Though her journey’s purpose is filled to the brim, she turns her back to home and launches quietly into the stars

Stars in a Mason Jar - "Fireflies in Our Solar System" by The Sunshine Theory


Duece – The Gentle Giant

March 23, 2013

Steven Lon Ayers, better known as Duece, passed away from a motorcycle accident in which he lost control of his Harley Davidson around a curve. His female passenger, Lizzie, was thrown as well and transported to the hospital where she remains in critical condition but showing improvement.

Duece was and is a gentle giant whose heart was true but scarred from life’s brutal lessons. His demeanor towards me was always kind, no matter how low his brow was furrowed that day.

I had the honor of becoming a good friend of his in the most recent months along with many others at the bar who had conversed with him routinely yet not been able to get close. In his days of hurt, many friends showed just how loyal and dependable they all could be and I should like to include myself among them. If he needed to vent, a roof over his head or a cold beer and silent company, he was surrounded by those who loved him and accepted him as he was. A hopeless romantic with a tough exterior, twinkling blue eyes that laughed within the somber face and of course a friend to you just as you are to him.

Duece (far right) laughs and shields himself from the camera. Last photo of Duece taken before his passing.

This is believed to be the last photo taken of Duece (far right), snapped earlier that day on the bar patio in his usual attire. It’s funny but I find that this photo really captures all that was and still is Duece. His home away from home, always in his work clothes, laughing in the sunshine with friends who accept him just as he is and being able to truly smile.

Obituary of Steven Lon Ayers, “Duece”


**I had so much more to say originally and I do feel that this entry doesn’t do his friendship and personality justice; however this is all that needed to be said and the rest would’ve just cluttered my point. Duece is a great man and we celebrate his life rather than mourn the ending because that’s exactly what he would want. 


The Piano Man

Man Smoking a Cigarette and Playing Piano - "The Piano Man" Poem about Death - Koogimama Ponders

He wanders through the crowd, lining the bar with a tall loping grace
As the piano man plays a gentle melody, the dying man’s smile dances for each note
With a glance you wouldn’t know his hourglass is almost run out
Though the bar whispers his tale to each newcomer and repeats it over every beer

Over each repetition, gazes cast heavily upon his brow and wait for a sign of sadness
But instead he grins a cocky, sideways grin and waves his hand
A round of drinks to all from the man you can’t turn down
For he has no one else to empty his wallet
And the price of green paper vanishes with one’s last grain of sand

Friends from long ago and friends made in the dim evening light
Sit around and laugh on their old leather stools, cracking and squeaking yet sturdy as ever

As the door opens, waves of fresh air cut through and shift the smoky atmosphere
With the movement, he lights another cigarette
May as well enjoy the beautiful ember betwixt fingertips;
The stench of bitter joy and guilty habits rolled within the tobacco’s leaves
Is that much sweeter when it’s deaths calling card
Burning into the night’s thick air with a smile

A Toast to the Dying Man who Spends His Last Days in a Welcoming Home - Poem by Koogimama Ponders


For a man of gentle smiles, vivacious laughter and humble actions – I do not know you well but I know you enough to say I will miss you when you leave, as will all those who’ve shared a night of stories and friendship with you.
The first time I met you, you and Ol’ Miller played bodyguards for me, the silly little girl at the bar who felt ten feet taller with each beer. I’d almost forgotten to be honest, because you were so quiet. But best friends of old, you stood there with Miller to provide quiet strength and protection should any other bar guests try to pursue conversation with me. It’s kind of funny to think about, that you didn’t know me but the day you met me were put in charge of my wellbeing. I appreciated it then and I still do today.
You say you’ve lived your life and though I’ve only known you for your last year (according to doctors and whatnot), I’d say you’ve still got life to live until your dying breath. You still have time, words to speak, experiences to revisit and friends to share a few more drinks with.

I hope the doctor is wrong and that you continue to visit and tell stories, sitting in the smokey bar. I hope, for Ol’ Miller’s sake that you go out kicking and that you remind him to keep going, as a best friend, as a strong man, and as a believer that every day still matters.

If I don’t see you before you go, a toast to good health for irony’s sake and one last smoke to embrace the chariot that carries you swiftly away. 

Do you sing? Or play piano? I can’t say for sure but this song always makes me think of you.  Piano Man by Billy Joel on YouTube

The Mad Bull Club Back Wall

Shattered, Sparkling Skies

Sometimes the sky is the only place one can feel safe
With a scene ever changing yet always there
Each hour the picture morphs into a new painting
To inspire and comfort, whether by sun or moon
And those who walk amidst friends look to it less
While those whose footsteps echo forth on their solitary path
Gaze into its depths, seeking answers written in the constellations

Each looks for their own reasons
Whether the stars sparkle for dreams or broken shards of hope
We have all found solace in the rolling clouds
Even the blind turn up their face
For sunlight or rain to caress their cheeks
And know, that in all the chaos, there is a sky to to be known

For myself, the moon is hidden this night
Where is my moon tonight?
The shadows nip at my heels
Movement in the corner of my eye
Building a hallucination of terror and my pace quickens
Frantically I begin to run
Bare feet flying over broken glass and dirty cigarette butts
My mind numbs the nerves and I feel nothing
Racing madly to feel, to find the moon that I seek solidarity within

To the outsiders, it is a case of insanity
To me, it is searching for my anchor in the madness

Freedom is nothing when I have no light with which to travel
And when the sun is gone, sight relies on moonlight’s soft lead
For I need the sky when you need solace,
I need the sky, the moon, the sun,
The thunderclouds rolling in but bringing the rain so I know beyond the gray dawn
Is my sky, my moon

"New Moon" - Photo by Ed Schipul, Some Rights Reserved

I Was Bullied Too – A Note of Love and Happiness

Each day I have woken up to read of a new tragedy. The details of horrific crimes, murder-suicides, rape and murder overflow from my computer. What hits home the most though, is the story of children committing suicide.

I read through their blog entries, their Facebook updates, their words of desperation typed out to the internet and feeling as though it will never be found. They are seeking for confirmation, for no one to read and comment, or ask if they’re alright.

It hurts me, so truly, because I know that feeling. I have felt the despair, depression and general desire to give up. I have sought to end my own life’s breath, naively thinking that no one would care. In the back of my mind, I knew I was being irrational. I had a strong, supportive and loving family that for some reason, I had chosen to shut out. My family would have gathered around me and provided the strength I needed a lot earlier, if I had only sought to ask.

So I have a message to you, the hurting teenager, the unpopular junior high kid. You might want to grab a drink and a snack, it’s a little lengthy. Also, go ahead and clear the bladder now. Because it doesn’t have the same depth if you get up to take a piss halfway.

There is hope in the distance - Anti Bullying - Koogimama Ponders

What can I do to show you that it’s ok to dream?
How can I convince you the world isn’t that scary?
I wish my words would be enough, the voice of hope that managed to break beyond the pain
It’s rough now, but I know and I want you to know that your life is not worth missing out on

No matter how your self was brought into being
By accident, planning or something horrific
You were allowed to develop and encouraged to come out and join us
With your first breath, you knew love, cradled by your mother who knows it was worth it
In your first sleep, you knew peace, though your parents hovered frantically above you all night
The first step you took showed you knew determination
And that first tickle’s giggle gave you the knowledge of happiness

And then you learned to speak and the power of words
With the ability to say “I want” came “I don’t”
And with “I love you” came “I hate you”
“You’re beautiful” also taught you the opposite, “You’re ugly”
Each sweet word spoken was met with its opposite, quickly and harshly
Beginning when you could determine which toys were yours and which ones were theirs

In school, the vicious taunts and insults, naive kids struggling to decipher society’s norms
You all were learning the ways around, but most often were exposed to extremes of love and hate
You learned what it was like to be ignored, cast out and shamed
For your appearance, your heritage, your family, your handicap or seemingly just for existing
No matter the reason, you were made to feel small and unwanted
And I’ve been there
I was taunted mercilessly, bullied through elementary school, middle school, high school

The most common nicknames were:

Bullying is Wrong - I was Dumbo

Talk about creative genius, huh?

Bullying is Wrong - I was called monkey

The monkey face may have only accelerated the name calling, looking back on it.

Bullying is Wrong - My ears were butterfly wings

This one came from my best friend in 6th grade. So I went to the bathroom and wrote her an angry letter. It’s kind of funny lookin’ back on it.

Believe me, I know what you’ve been through – to a much deeper level than those photos suggest
I know the thoughts that you’ve had and the nights upon nights of tear-stained sheets
Sobs muffled in your pillow until you fall asleep from exhaustion
I know this because I’ve been there
I have also dreamt of the escape, running away or releasing myself from the daily task of breathing

But I said no
I rose up from my pain
Musty curtains rained specks of dust as they were thrown open
The sunlight reaches so much farther when you open your eyes to let it in

The shaky muscles will grow stronger, I promise
They just need a little practice
Standing tall is a state of mind, not just a stance, and it only happens when your heart feels the desire to beat with a purpose

To the bullies, I won’t tell you I fought back because I didn’t
But I stopped cowering, I stopped believing their taunts
I didn’t throw insults, I just stood straighter
Mean people are a lot smaller when you stare them down with a smile

You can rise up, knowing that you’re not defined by words or looks
You are defined by the heart, by your strength
By the courage you feel to hold steady and brave the tide

It gets better
When you believe in your bones, your muscles, your tendons and soul
When you breath with a purpose and welcome the vital air

You are free, with the world to explore
Do not settle to stay in your city after you can leave
Do not remain where you hate, with memories that sour each day
Grab a map and a pen
Close your eyes and let your dreams guide your hand
And when the ink meets paper, open your eyes to your destination
A booming metropolis or a corn field in bum fuck nowhere,
I bet you haven’t seen it and I bet with a few clicks on the computer,
You can get there pretty soon

It’s the race of adventure, exploration and knowledge that brings the brightest light to your eyes
You have the choice
Empower yourself not with bitter old feelings but with experience of a place and memories that can never be touched

Just do what I do and when you’re ready, as in you truly believe in your heart of hearts and your smile is genuine and your stride is long
Leave a nice little note and maybe they’ll find it

You can overcome the bullies

I really hope someone sees this and reaches for their own pen and paper.

When you stretch your life beyond its limits and past that little line of chalk the bullies drew
Your imagination can stretch your future even farther
But before you go, be sure to send your old “buddies” a nice little goodbye.

To my bullies, fuck off.

Psst… bullies! Can’t touch this, duh nuh nuh nuh, du nuh, du nuh, CAN’T TOUCH THIS!

A Lesson in Humility From an Apathetic Planet

Infinite Starry Night Sky - A Lesson in Humility

Photo by Mark Unrau 2009 – Courtesy of Starts With A Bang, Science Blog

When the clouds drift away
Suddenly the world is darker; yet clearer in its make-up
Revealing twinkling stars
A glimpse of infinity

Look up and know
This perfection, this midnight canvas
Was once violent chaos
Entropy that we know of only centuries later
When the starlight finally breaks through the atmosphere

For only a moment, I seek control
A deep breath of smoke emerges
And betwixt my lips, the sky is hidden
Just as quickly, the air dissipates
A seemingly calm breeze on an almost calm night

In the middle of nowhere
Lying in the grass with only crickets for company
It is hard not to feel insignificant
The confidence perceived when around other people
Means nothing to a planet
That is just as insignificant to her universe

In a moment of spite I pull up grass from around me
But there is no insult perceived from these few blades, as more will grow to take its place
I shout loudly to nothing, startling the crickets
The millisecond of sheer silence slams against my eardrums
And the chorus of insects begins anew

In an inexplicable tantrum, I rise from the dirt
And then pause
Standing up, without the grass to frame my sight
I am the only thing visible, moonlight reflecting off my pale skin
And just like that, with no words or actions, not even a smirk
I am humbled, by a planet who cares not

Walking slowly, I ponder why I even bother to continue when I am of the same existence as a cricket
Insignificant to the floating rock on which I perch
Although we have all found this moment once before, and the human race developed
Creating a significance that only we believe in
And in doing so, I am given the chance to matter
To scream loudly and be not only acknowledged but heard

I am a voice, a heart, a soul – operating from machinery that is unique
Even though it was designed from the same blue print as everyone else

With my lips, I will share knowledge, questioning what I cannot grasp
I will show tender love and teach my children what I have learned

With my arms, I will provide the warmth and solidarity for those who are lost
Reach for a paintbrush to capture the sky and write stories to pass on in death

With my legs, I will travel, exploring this world and learning from it
Lift others above rising waters and swim to shore when it gets too deep

I am one of the billions, as are you and you
Another living creature vying for my own space and life
Pretending we are more than just simple animals
Creating a purpose when there is none, to quell the human need to belong

But I choose to feel like someone worthwhile
I choose to share smiles and laughter and tears, to share moments with strangers
And advice when its due

And one day, I will do one of these things as I would every day
And will never know if that had been my purpose for living all along
So I’ll keep on being someone who matters, with something to give
Remembering always the humility dealt by Earth and shown by the moon

You are not insignificant

A Smile so Wide Before a Slumber so Sweet

~ I wrote this in the beginning of this love that is a dream and in finding it again, realized how true it still rings. The days may continue to pass and the comfort may sometimes overwhelm the romance, but still I will love you and sleep soundly in your arms. ~

Sunflowers from Carrizo Springs - Love Poem - Koogimama Ponders

Would you but glance across the room to catch my gaze
My lips instinctively part in a smile so wide
As you walk decidedly in my direction,
Automatic reaction lifts my hands out to receive you
In a single graze of your fingers to my shoulder,
I find a heart set aflutter, verging on a heart attack so sweet

I would stand beside you if you would say it
I would forever awaken to your slumbering form
Wrapped in my arms, legs tangled together

I look into your eyes and know,
What I feel is reflected, cautiously yet vividly
As we lie together, breaths catch in the soft glow of the night
Your arms reach around and catch me,
Providing resistance should I even choose to switch positions

In this unspoken emotion, I feel all control
Of life and limb, handed over eagerly
I would warn you to keep it safe,
But I know the warning is reflected as you seal your feelings
With a gentle kiss
A kiss to last a moment
A kiss to last an eternity
You would show me what it is to truly love
And I will not back down

I awaken in the mornings
With a vitality that had long faded from my muscles
A purpose with unknown definition lifts me from my pillow
Each day is a day of possibilities,
Is a day of true connection with another soul
Is a day I get to spend with you
And that is enough to wake even a hibernating bear
And encourage it to frolic beneath the sun

As I rest on the brink of sleep at night,
I feel your alert form, watching
Should I open my eyes if only for a moment,
I will catch you staring at my face,
Those green eyes, speckled with both blue and gold seem to shine
And that quick smile you give me before I turn to bed
Will chase away my nightmares for another night
I cannot cry, even in my dreams,
For you are there to keep me safe and keep me with you
I am in love with you
Your kiss tells me you are too
I love you

Don't Take True Love for Granted - Love Poem - Koogimama Ponders

Sweat of the Devil’s Dance

Sweating in the Devil's Dance

In a devil’s dance, the bed unfolded
With wicked grins seen in the moonlight’s profile
It’s a whispered tale between two lovers
A carnal manifestation of the heart
Evidenced by the nails in his back,
Each fingers digging a path of blatant need

With each breath, a song begins to take shape
A gentle intro, swept up into the chorus
To a rhythm known only by the body
The musical break arrives with a mouth’s caress
Take a second to see not the trembling limbs
Look into each other’s souls, basking in a love all our own

As the beat picks up, seemingly impossible
The exhilaration heightens and thoughts erase themselves
It is no longer a conscious creation but one of instinct
Centuries of knowledge and need announce their presence
With a song as old as time, the music plays loudly
Blocking eardrums and sanity
To be swept up in the notes, carried off to the melody

Our skin meets harshly but perfectly
In the window’s light, the sweat glistens and the humidity is thick

In a moment, the limbs tighten and hold
For a split-second, the scene is frozen
Breath stopped, eyes closed, fingers entwined

And it is gone

The exhausted forms fall, still in a state of bliss
The aftermath shows both,
Head on his shoulder as chests rise in unison, gasping heavily
With a sigh and a smile, a kiss concludes
To the ending scene

Or two porcelain bodies, profiles rising and falling in a desperate want for air
Sweat dissipating
Content, they lay and rest
Seeking to remain in a blissful, loving state for as long as possible

As quickly as the physical needs struck them both, they fade away
The mind regains control, pushing back natural instinct
The thoughts filter in slowly and following is conversation,
One gives in and both rise to dress and exit the stage

Skeleton’s Truth

Only in the last breaths of midnight do the truths reveal
An ivory ribcage, dirty with elegance
Demanding recognition be paid to each cracked bone
And looking into these blue eyes, pupils pulsating with one’s heartbeat
The effects are fading, visual trickery seeking solace in the shadows
The skeleton holds dear, its frail shape standing tall
With those shaky breaths, life’s fragility hangs in the balance
And no matter your next decision, you will be standing
But only with a willpower earned
Can one seek to move each muscle encasing your physique
Or to guide fibrous connections towards a needed end

Shine On – Have Confidence in Yourself

Broken Silhouette by sappymscobain | Shine On Poem | Koogimama Ponders

Photo by sappymscobain - Click for link

Do you still sit in your corner, listening to the sad songs and wondering when anyone will listen to you?
Do you lay your blade to skin and watch as your tears fall to mix with blood?
Do you shy from those who offer help and guard your smiles for fear you’ll use them all up?
Do your eyes look beyond the crowd and see the sky above, drawing a better life for you?

I did that. I did all of it. I cried. I bled. I hid my smiles.
I blocked my hope. I cowered from chance.
I thought only the sky could hold where I wanted to be.

Would you stand up off your knees and trust me, if only with your mind, listen to me.
Hear my voice as I sing songs of hope to you, a gentle lullaby to still a petrified heart
And understand that I have been there, I have fallen and I have arose to a better tomorrow.

My black, broken silhouette one day unbent, my spine straightened and wings of a new heart spread behind me
Through the cracks shined a brilliant light, pushing with such power to get out
That all forms of my timid shell fell behind, and in a glowing revelation
I let my knees support my trembling body and then my feet, toes gripping for a balance unknown

With a breathing heart, I lifted wings of beauty and rose towards the clouds Lucid Dream Excerpt | Shine On Poem | Koogimama Ponders
Beating through them, confident as all the birds who live there
And though I know I will have to come down, to return back to a ground, a people
I feel that right now, I am no longer broken, I am a figure of strength in my own mind

While I did not trust those around me just yet, I trusted in myself

So as you listen to this song and this melody, know that your soul can too shine and fly
To brilliant new heights and in a blinding light that all might shield their eyes from in shock
You are a person worth sharing with the world
Believe in your strength and in your physical existence

You are real. You are here. You deserve to be seen and heard. You deserve to be loved and understood.

But how can anyone see and know the beauty of a rare gem if it lies amongst dust,
High up on a shelf, in the darkest recesses of a room?

It’s your turn. Shine on.

Dancing in the Sunlight | Shine On Poem | Koogimama Ponders

Sand in a Jar

Hold Steady | Sand in a Jar Poem | Koogimama Ponders

I can’t say every day I gave my best effort
I won’t say I smiled at every stranger

I will not guarantee that my heart has been in it all the way
I did not put one hundred percent into my actions

But I still felt the appreciation and the anticipation of a new day
I still awoke with a hope that I would get to see the sun rise and fall once more

When the colors seemed to fade, in the brightest sunlight
And the waves rose above my head, tossing limbs wildly

I reached upon the shelf up high, breaking through cobwebs, Sand Falling From Hands | Sand in a Jar Poem | Koogimama Ponders
Wiped the dust from the lid and opened up my jar of sand

In the gentle glow of dusk, I poured the sand over my toes
Reaching to pick it off the ground and run my fingers through it

Drawing simple outlines of hearts and suns, a vivid imagination
Surrounded me with a beach scene and a delicate breeze

With a quick blow, the wind swept my sand away,
Trickling into the air above the grass and winding into the distance

But still my mind pretended the buildings were palm trees
And each passing car a playful flip of a dolphin fin

Though I doubt some days and feel as though my life goes unrecognized by all but me
I know it is not true and in one jar of sand, my world stays whole and vivid

Ferris Wheel HLSR | Sand in a Jar Poem | Koogimama Ponders


Hint of Hope, Dash of Inspiration

A hint of hope
A dash of inspiration
Blended on high
Slowly add in love
Finally, bake in the heat of the sun

This thing called life is better than cake.





Courtesy of theCHIVE


It Goes On - Robert Frost

Just a little bit of sunshine and happy thoughts for the day 😀