I’m Happy and I’m OK

As humans, happiness is our unspoken goal, the one thing that makes us put one foot in front of the other
But what happens when we are happy, when we’ve finally achieved all we’ve sought?

Do we write about the happy lives, the happy times, the happy moments?
Or do we wait for the screw up, the stone to trip over
So that then, and only then, will we have something to share, to immortalize forever
On paper, on the computer and show it to the world
Seeking companionship desperately once the trip forward loses focus

I have nothing horrid to say, nothing sad or depressing
In fact, right now, the only sad thing in my life is my crummy little car
And my dog pees everywhere

But my life is good, solid, happy
For the first time in years, I can’t sit alone and dwell on shit

Happy

It’s a nice feeling, one that’s been long awaited
And now fully appreciated

I think Jennyzilla put it best in saying: “The depression and anger follows from expectations that are too high to be lived up to. Life isn’t perfect. I trip, I stumble, I fall. The ones that are there to pick you up make the imperfections fade.”

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The Moment of Sunrise

You can’t see the sun, but suddenly the grass is lit
The birds rise and sing as one, chirping incessantly
They sound as if they’re crying to be noticed and held, loved
But no bird wants to be held close
They are to fly free, fly solo as they were born to do
So I stop personifying that which denies it

As I sit on this limited section of concrete,
I feel the bricks digging into my back at every corner
And I light up one more cigarette,
Knowing my friend has succumbed to the sleep that escapes my grasp
These blue eyes rove over the street beneath me,
Watching as people emerge from their doors, locking them,
Getting into their car and driving to a job meant to give purpose to one’s existence

And through it all, I realize that none of it matters
Because you’re not here by my side, holding my hand, and watching the world turn with me
I used to run searching desperately for a place to stay and call home
But now I know,
“You put your arms around me and I’m home” *

So each day, as I gingerly place my feet on the carpet beside my bed,
I step slowly but surely, confidently
Trusting the drumming of my heart
Knowing that each step, each thought, each action
Every click of the mouse or word shown through the keyboard
Each step brings me one step closer to you

One step closer to forever closing my eyes when the sun fades  
And waking with the sunrise and birds,
Each time finding myself wrapped in that which is your everything
Your arms hold me, squeeze me as a nightmare seeks entry in my thoughts
You gently rouse me from my slumber,
“I’m here. You’re ok. Everything’s ok. Nothing’s going to happen to you while you’re here with me.”
Smiling, and feeling butterflies of middle school similarity fluttering from nose to toe and back
Kiss me softly on the lips
I love you.

I love you too.

I will continue searching for new places, new experiences, perhaps a new home
But you will be at my side, walking, running, or stopping in time with me
I will travel but only if you will hold my hand and go with me
If you wish to stay, I will stay with a compromise
Once in a while, you will come home and I will hand you a plane ticket to anywhere
And we will go,
Armed with a camera, fresh pack of smokes, and your hand interlocked in mine

You are my everything. Now, I look at you and I wonder how I ever even thought I was truly happy before you were in my life. I feel like the luckiest girl in the world every time you catch my eye or lean in to kiss me softly on the nose.

I cannot thank you enough for giving me a second chance. I cannot tell you how much I truly appreciate all you have done to make sure my life is secure and stress-free. Even when I am grumpy and downright horrid, you stay patient and wait for me to relax, and when I do, your arms are always open. Your smile at the ready, so genuine. And when you smile, your eyes shift from green to honey in a split second.

“I hope that you catch me ’cause I’m already fallin'” *

So put on your boots, cowboy of mine, ’cause we’re about to tear this world apart and forever search for unseen nooks and crannies, whether holding knowledge or just a good memory. I want you by my side. Always. I love you.

* Lyrics to “Arms” by Christina Perri

3/17/11 --> I won the lottery in matters of the heart and soul ❤

Glowing Earth

Sow the seeds of hope
Into the young of heart
And the open of mind
Share the splendor of love
With the children
And the adults
There is much to see in this world
And such a short time to see it
You live to die
How depressing it sounds
But you still have to LIVE
Take the time in your life
And love
And laugh
And share with those
What makes you happy
Share with them all
Why you are here
Why you are still standing
Why you fight to smile
And do what you want

There is more than work and school
There is adventure,
New people and new experiences
New places and new activities
Or if anything
The same shit
And a different, better mindset
On my good days,
Everything has a glow
Doesn’t it?

It glows of good intentions and happiness
Of a healthy world and sound mind
It glows of wonder and fantastic possibilities
You just have to reach out and pick a card
Yes, I will ____________

Put on your dancing shoes
We’ll head out west
And kick our heels at the sun
Put on your diving suits
We’ll head to the beach
And play in the water
Nothing can bring us down
Not when I’m here
So take my hand and we’ll go
Wherever you want
Wherever screams at you
We’ll travel and fly
And race across mountains
Across deserts and oceans

This life is here for us,
This earth a playground
Meet me on the jungle gym
And I’ll show you a recess
You’ve never dreamed of

I’ll Take You On

There are rocks on every path
And cacti in fields of clovers
There’s a sliver of glass in the soft mud of the creek bed

I just want to walk barefoot
With my hands up and my heart open
I’m ready to take you on baby

You’re a tough boy, you say you won’t give in
You’re playing hard to get but baby I need you on my skin
I need you in my bed, holding me close
And if I’ve got to fight, well I’m ready

I walked through town today, lookin’ for your truck
I came back empty-handed
Feeling plum-out-of-luck

Waving my shoes in the air, I skipped on the gravel path
I knew you’d come around and this time
I’m ready to take you on baby

You’re a tough boy, you say you won’t give in
You’re playing hard to get but baby I need you on my skin
I need you in my bed, holding me close
And if I’ve got to fight, well I’m ready

I’ve got a backbone, passed down from generations
I’m made like my mama, bred gently but fiery inside
You aint seen nothing yet

I’ll grab on babe and never let go
You can run and you can hide but I’ll find you babe
I’m ready to take you on baby

You’re a tough boy, you said you wouldn’t give in
You played hard to get but now you’re here, against my skin
You’re layin in my bed, lookin at me with your big brown eyes
I fought my battle, turning to enjoy my spoils

If you ever wanna fight baby, I’m up to the challenge
I’m here to take on you, relationships and life
I won’t stop until I’ve got you forever babe
I wanna stay with you forever