And So She Thinks: Day 14

Entry 14: Curled up in the sheets, tucked away from the frigid air blasting in the corner. In the silence of the room, I hear a piano, trickling to provide a soundtrack. Pressing my nose to the corner, I stare at the blank wall. Hints of words exist in my peripheral vision but I focus every ounce of attention on the slight texture, existent but two inches from me. I feel my eyes, floating in circles to grasp and memorize this small stretch of wall. I’m not sure why but I look for meaning in the almost invisible crevices, the slightly raised sections. What happened? Well, I know what happened. I feel as if through out the night, constant thoughts were just bursting into flames, exploding in a shower of fireworks. The night sky was filled with revelations and confusion.

I had walked outside, away for a few minutes. Staring at the bottle covered in condensation, I sat and sat. Then I stood up. A song with more instruments than words was heard faintly from inside and I stood up in the parking lot and spun. I spun in a circle, with my arms spread and watched the stars twist above me. Faster and faster I spun, faster and faster the earth fell away and the stars became strings of thought, strings of words. It was all so much in such little time. So many words pressed against my lips and I fought so hard to hide them. Those words called feelings. My eyes gave me away. Windows to my soul that I have yet to board up. I continued spinning, distracting myself from it all but at the same time, seeking the center point for which to cling to. That center point to which I could sit and understand it all. Understand you.

You don’t scare me. You say you understand me entirely. Then you should understand this. I can take a lot. A lot more than you give me credit for. So have a little faith. Because I have faith in the devil in you. And I won’t walk away. Sitting here, curled in the corner, cold sheets grazing my legs, I think of you. Fireworks of comprehension stir behind my pupils and the wall is shadowed with your image, crying. I remind you gently, that everything will be okay if you just give it time. Time, time, time. Big Ben towers above my figure and each hand strikes a tone that echos for ages in my ears. Lets just do here and now. Can we do that? Here and now, the stars have stopped spinning. Here and now, I see your sleeping face. Here and now, I hold your hand.

So just hold my hand and smile back. That’s all I need.

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Cracked

Lift my chin, 
Demand eye contact
And as they meet,
I wonder if you see it too
Cracks in my windshield
I can’t see that clearly
Your face is broken, the movie a blur
But I can feel your touch
Crystal clear
The cracks are old,
Just stretching with time
From old abuses,
Rocks thrown up
But I’ve made it down the road
And here I am
To curl up in your embrace
Squeeze your hand
Hiding under your chin from the scary parts
And grinning like a fool

Intoxicating? Perhaps.
Invigorating? Definitely.
Confusing? Not necessarily.
Surprising? Absolutely.

So hold my hand
And lets just relax
I’m tired of planning ahead,
And trying to see where I’m going
It’s difficult and frustrating
But laying here with you,
I can breathe
And it’s nice

I’ll Take You On

There are rocks on every path
And cacti in fields of clovers
There’s a sliver of glass in the soft mud of the creek bed

I just want to walk barefoot
With my hands up and my heart open
I’m ready to take you on baby

You’re a tough boy, you say you won’t give in
You’re playing hard to get but baby I need you on my skin
I need you in my bed, holding me close
And if I’ve got to fight, well I’m ready

I walked through town today, lookin’ for your truck
I came back empty-handed
Feeling plum-out-of-luck

Waving my shoes in the air, I skipped on the gravel path
I knew you’d come around and this time
I’m ready to take you on baby

You’re a tough boy, you say you won’t give in
You’re playing hard to get but baby I need you on my skin
I need you in my bed, holding me close
And if I’ve got to fight, well I’m ready

I’ve got a backbone, passed down from generations
I’m made like my mama, bred gently but fiery inside
You aint seen nothing yet

I’ll grab on babe and never let go
You can run and you can hide but I’ll find you babe
I’m ready to take you on baby

You’re a tough boy, you said you wouldn’t give in
You played hard to get but now you’re here, against my skin
You’re layin in my bed, lookin at me with your big brown eyes
I fought my battle, turning to enjoy my spoils

If you ever wanna fight baby, I’m up to the challenge
I’m here to take on you, relationships and life
I won’t stop until I’ve got you forever babe
I wanna stay with you forever